Ying?

2004-04-09T23:52:00.000-07:00

changed a site, go to http://fik-ying.tripod.com

2004-03-31T02:59:00.000-08:00

oh haha, singapore chinese girls' school won nan chiau secondary school for basketball national competition today!! woooooooooo!! haha, was really happy cos my team played so well today, im so proud of them! lol, keep it up scgs bball team! love 'em!

aiight tmr's our sports day and its rather pathetic but we need no sympathy cos no one's really co operating much and i totally detest everyone's nonchalant character. i mean like, if u know that ur a fast runner, then just go adn freaking run the race, cos we really dont have anyone to run! what the hell man. grow up, no one's gonna laugh at ur effort, they're just gonna mock ur so called plain timidity. to hell with u wishy-washy participants.

okay, well, im rather uptight bout the coming o levels exams. apparently, im aiming for a 8-9point raw score when im like getting 19points. haha u do the math..how da hell am i gonna get my 8-9 points? hee, but look at me, im one who creates miracles, lol, just count on me man.

one more thing, i realised that long distance relationship does work, and thats without a doubt. when im close to my mum, in terms of geographical location, we just cant see eye to eye cos we're both strong-headed and u know what happens when two strong headed women are together. get it, the key word is women. haha, its a total disaster i must tell ya. man, my tummy's feeling queasy cos of the oily chicken banditto i ate. how i wished i could enter harvard law school now and not study any more unnecessary stuff.

one more thing to be upset bout, that is, my literature. man, i can make observations and my passion for this subject is just so strong that no one, not even eminem can take that away from me. i really need an A for this freakin stubject. may shakespeare bless me. oh well, i love u mom , and i love u william...shakespeare. till then, period.

2004-03-30T03:00:00.000-08:00

well, for some reasons, my blog is one that survives on simplicity, and i need some complexity to get myself involved. i looked at some other's blog that is either cute, or morbidly made up, and this made my heart sink with the computer illiterate soul living inside of me.

i need to learn soem basic html, and form an ally with the computer system. i wonder how bill gates got himself so rich. how long did he take to interact with this dumb lifeless form of the universe? haha.

oh and i auditioned for some baba role for our peranakan play. it went rather smoothly, though disappointments were present for some people, and sometimes they just shouldnt allow comments to get to them. they should stand firmly by their beliefs and not be deterred just by some bitchy chick. haha talkin bout that bitch, on friendster, i see endless testimonials by the males talkin bout how attractive she is (i aint doubting that) and other than physical attraction, there was an inner attraction ; she is friendly, helpful, caring and etc. haha hmm i wonder why i didnt find those qualities in her. lol, even chay agrees with me. o well, the not she-males are blind and so are u.

hahah, erm back to the play, well, we're holdin this dramafest sorta thing, and its supposedly gonna be fun. i aint hoping too much cos based on past experiences, im always being disappointment and disappointments aint welcome in my way of life cos i HATE that feeling, totally detest it. aiight, haha i sound a lil childish there, but o well, im a twelve year old living inside a 15 year old. but then, sometimes i think like a 20 year old. or maybe those in my age are just too ignorant.

i shant go into the details.. bleah, the people around me are so freaking pretentious that whenver i think bout it, i try hard not to puke. oh i should talk bout something happy, i like adam sandler! ahahaa, i think hes cute, and i loved him from "big daddy" still kinda remembered when i was 12 or 13, ad i watched "big daddy" like three times in a week, consecutively, well, that didnt go for my idolatry addiction to eminem's MTV, which i watch like 24/7 when 8 mile came out. (im sorry cos i bought the bootleg copy of the MTV) haha shhhh..

aiight, im really contented and happy cos i feel that i've grown up, matured, (haha maturity reminds me of pubic hair) o well, cos i learnt to take control of my emotions and not let other's emotions take control of me. i need no one to give me happiness cos i wanna find my own happiness, i need no one let me suffer their pains cos they cant get to me. IM strong. i love myself.

2004-03-27T03:41:00.000-08:00

heh, well, its saturday and im like counting the days to go before i can leave this freaking disgusting place that brings such short-lived happiness. o well, i think the venue doesnt really matter, is it just me?

haha, o well, i really hope that john kerry wins and terminate the dumb bush administration. o man, someone just save COBAIN and freakin bring him to life! i need some more of his music to kinda perk me up during my boring studying routines. oh well, i think that courtney doesnt even deserve his love at all. what the hell, what she doing tryin to catch everyone's attention by pullin her shirt up? oh man, aww cobain can never rest in peace with guys going up to courtney and kissing her bare parts.

whens the next saturday gonna come? oh well, hope tomorrow's gonna be a better day.

2004-03-24T03:27:00.000-08:00

bleah, just took the math test in school today, and i totally screwed it despite the constant practisiing of the sums yesterday nite. does anyone realise that i kinda sacrifice my sleep just to make friends with a few fucking numbers in the math exercises? bleah, i think there aint no sense in me practising. haha actually i have only myself to blame cos the errors were mostly basic fundamental differentiation techniques and apparently i know tha freaking methods to bring about the answer but then, if i cant even start the simple differentiation, how the hell can i get the answers? oh pls, numbers, agree with me.

aiight, then another thing, have u ever felt a sense of sorrow and angst instead of guilt cos i prolly didnt practise hard enough. and i was like disgusted by the masochistic public around me in school today. everyone was like "whao i didnt expect tha test to be tha basic and simple", and remarks like "the only hard to deal question was ..." bleah what the fuck? stop adding salt to my freaking wound!!! but then, who the hell am i to condemn them? they have the right to feel superior and perhaps happy, even though they didnt wanna appear to be giving me the condescending look of all centuries.

masochistic fools, stop feeding on my sorrow! lol, hahhahahahahaha, man, the more i think about it, the more comical it turns ou to be. how ironical i ask myself. while im feeling sad and feeling like theres a conflagration building up inside me, i find the whole sitituation so amusing, prolly just some dry humour apparent there. its all a freaking joke cos the test's just something that prolly meant for me to utilize, to kinda discover characteristics and people, and how sensitive they are. and i kinda found out that who i expected to be there for me, aint there for me, even the obvious people who's supposed to kinda cheer me up, successfully failed doing so. man, my life is whimsical, it changes directions so suddenly that im taken aback myself.

well as i have said, i kinda realised at once, it was like i was snapped back to reality (yea right eminem) and figured out tha i guess i just gotta stand on my own and not depend on any other person here, cos im my own emotional stabilizer and hoping tha someone else might just lend me a hand in my emotional matters may just make matters worse. haha tanner, u might be there consoling me but then u aint in tha situation where i was in, so its prolly easier for u to say comforting words, but if we really are in tha situation together, i really doubt that u'll still be there with ur tranquilizer to soothe me. so aiight.

tha's it i guess, and im still kinda waiting for my uncle's mail to be dropped in my mailbox. gonna patronise u soon again blogger.

2004-03-15T03:08:00.000-08:00

readin the united burger states of america
a well-written book by a sophisticated writer who summarised america in an uncomplicated way
i see caricatures of bush on Time magazines aint no sense to what they exaggerate bout
he's just worrying whos gonna be the next john kerry
with sex and violence terrorising the screens engulfing the kids in a cloud of confusion with connotations and concoctions of a masked purpose by the media
watching "thirteen" with my younger bro and the girl's mom in thirteen was stripped by her so-called boyfriend someone whom she regained her vitality and perharps fertility,
i began questioning the idea behind this stripping act, was it necessary was it compulsory? it prolly meant no more than the discovery channel being brought in a movie depicting humans instead of those living beasts, and the males are having a feast there,
guns shoved at one another's head as easily as putting a gum and chewing the reserves of the rubber tree,
young kids being diffident having a confidence lower than a rodent, are they supposed to be in contempt all these while, who the fuck chooses their fate for them? aint no one gonna be supercilious and calling them superficial when they possess their own artificial brains and creating works of artifice in duping these kids nowadays,
as an outsider lookin at america on the world map i see nothing more than a a country with a shape of a cow and prolly the mind of a mad cow too, tha's prolly where the disease is derived from literally as it parallels the whole situation they're in,
Spend more cash on educating ur kids stead of trying to salvage the situation in Iraq when the mentality of ur own kids are deteriorating seriously, surviving on either prozac or valium, and the desperate on Viagra. Drugs are one thing, fight the war on terrorism as the dark morbid thoughts threaten and terrorise ur kids all day long, as they have no armed forces to defend themselves.
As i peered at the macdonalds a street away, i cant help but let my thoughts be stolen away, as forgiveness for this great United States surfaced, as eminem has put it, "i'm just playin around, you know i love u america"

2004-03-04T02:06:00.000-08:00

My contact lenses sticking to my pupils,
Blurring my image due to the prolonged pain,
Iris always given a chance to be significant, embellished by that whiteness of the eye,
180degrees, that was its limit,
I removed the lenses,
watched it shrivell up in front of me due to lack of skyjuice,
moisture ripped off,
bringing two fingers together,
specks of plastic was resulted.

as blind as a bat i stood, the mirror had a vague smile
an enigma, as mysterious as it could be.
i cant see myself, all i could decipher after squinting was a pale face,
going closer, the mirror engulfed me.

Petrified, i was defeated even without drawing out my sword.
I felt what Germany has felt for the first world war.
Hitler was one to salvage the situation, so i asked out loud,
"wheres my adolf?"
I looked around and saw nothing but just the cheap silver-rim of the glass,
it peeling off, with layers of it being unfold.

Rust apparent to even the blind eye of mine, i dont see why other people failed to see that,
Why am i always the one seeing things in a weird way at times, and no one ever agrees to what i think?
they dont believe that layer of rust was present, and called me a liar, doubting me all the while,
i told them they had been duped by the mirror maker,
they just told me to go to the optician,
they paid reasonable price for that authentic silver rimmed glass.
i went away hurt and dejected.

one month later, the mirror was just lined with rust.

2004-03-03T02:42:00.000-08:00

its the 3rd of march, and i have this huge super duper huge zit on my nose, and my itchy fingers couldnt resist the temptation to squeeze it and blood oozed out, the whole area is red now. my mate was trying to be nice and tell me that it aint huge, though its GARATUAN. hee, i was even thinkin of literally choppin it off.

aiight, i went out with andrea to get candice a ROXY top for her birthday and the price was kinda reasonable cause we were sharing it, with sheryl too. so it was a sleeveless top, aint really skimpy and stuff and we're kinda definte that candice'll love it. (the top in made in china, and it prolly costed only 5 bucks due to the cheap labour there and ROXY is cheating money outta schoolgirls). i was kinda smitten with QUIKSILVER too, but the shirts were too baggy and andrea's gonna comment about them again if i bought them. the last time i went out with her in my baggy shirt, she said she looked like she was going out with a beggar. (ouch)

theres like so many elements of sadness contributing in my life. although its rather hard to explain what they are. School, Exams, basketball and friends are all invovled. why cant happiness not be short-lived? why must they be so totally easily lost? there aint seem no bag able to hold them long enough and not let them escape, cause the bags are like nets and happiness is filtered off, leaving only melancholy.

was kinda disappointed for the compositions in school, which i think i put in quite some effort, and what i got in return was some "good effort" remarks. hell, that aint what i desire, what i want is more than that! all she said was "good effort". period.

heh, for smith who's always been emailing me to kinda sorta sorta cheer me up a lil bit, was kinda grateful for that. minus the lub part. was kinda grossed out and still is.

for chay, and a few others who's always there to listen to me lament about how irritating some classmates are, how selfish, self-centered they are. im sorry for stimulating ur ear-drums for this sorta petty stuff, trivial matters u might say, but they kinda contributed to my sadness. like, whether or not im the one who's really contributing to my own sadness, expecting everything and everyone to do some things in a specific way, or else, im gonna be real sad bout it. but i aint ambitious, its just these tiny actions they do that made me sad, directly and indirectly.

like the other time, my dad kinda forgot he had to fetch me back to hostel cause i had school the next day, then he kinda dated his stupid moronic friends for a night's out for alcohol consumption to destroy their livers. to hell with carlsberg (though their advertisement made me sing for months). his moronic friends dont seem to pay for their drinks, so in order to kinda please them , my dad forks out the bill, why??? do they have no jobs? wheres the pay from their occupations?? why must my dad, who's saving for my university education plus my brothers, have to have this huge burden?? their drinks kinda come up to 500 bucks at times. so back to the point, so he kinda made a date with them, so he couldnt fetch me back, i mean whats ao hard to cancel that date and fetch me back? who the hell is more important? his moronic friends or his loved daughter?? so i kinda got hurt, quietly went up and soaked my pillow wet. then my elder bro came to get some insect repellent from my room, and saw that i was sobbing, asked me why and i choked on my tears while explaining. he was kinda amused, feeling that i was kinda childish, but i couldnt care less. actually im still mad at my dad until now. he's still not altering his behaviour and ways.

well, i kinda developed something negative. i find it really hard to love someone and really easy to hate everyone, im so full of hatred that i sometimes even hate myself. love as in friend loves friend, daughter loves mother, not boy loves girl. i began this hatred for boys since i cant remember when, boys are so weird that u just give up figuring them out. i mean i dont even bother, they just have different minds. their mechanism is weird, way too weird for me to think straight. as i said, when i look at someone on the streets, hatred pops up in my head, and not a smile on my face to greet them. condescending looks then follows and i ask myself, why should the passers-by withstand my staring, why cant i give them a smile to brighten up their day? sigh, i just hate myself, making everyone feel miserable.

im confused. really confused. im sad. lonely, morose. somebody please tell me what i should be like. guide me along growing up. i love u mum and dad. but u guys aint helping me much. cause we're prolly of a different generation. i need no therapist.

2004-02-17T02:13:00.000-08:00

Irony By Ying Ng

Irony
Ardour for the language with an affable look,
Armoured in heavy suits that worth fighting mock,
the art of literature not yet grasped but aint that fate?
we're bound to meet from the north to the south gate,
But no collision from the east to the west.

Sometimes we're loquacious, with our gracious minds,
At times when the sun rises from the east, you're hostile to me,
Stop hurting my vulnerable self and dissembling your thoughts,
Because they contribute to my morose self.

2004-02-13T01:57:00.000-08:00

Clothesline

hi there miss pink bra, whatcha doin beside me?
i cant control myself but to look at ur
strap, with shades of white and tinge of red
splashed across like its the fault of that cheap washing powder brand,
look at me now,
all torn and tattered,
but im still right beside u, ur being worn all day long,
receiving the love and physical warmth of my master,
but i, am being stepped on
by your majesty, and my body is uneven through the patches sewn on,
but i am almighty,
i am still the great
because im still positioned beside u like of equal status,
and you have no means to be haughty,
u disgusting, no sense of colour, cheap degraded undergarment.

2004-02-13T01:48:00.000-08:00

okay SHEEZY DEEZY! holla to arym!
did it ever occur to u that ur mind's in a whirlpool in sucha sleezy friday afternoon? ima supposed to go mug for my chemistry in preparation for my chemistry test on monday.. yea u maybe thinkin, man, this girl is competitive, the tests on monday and shes mugging for it now?!! but but folks, u didnt realise something... im studying with chingy's voice ringing in my head, which aint twice as bad.. (ima chillin at the holidae inn) im hooked on that song like opium or pot.
now now, why do i use use weed or pot? i havent even seen it, let alone feel the texture nor even lick it like a lolli. just that aint u really pissed off seeing thousands of kids/teens on the streets hooked on it like desperate creatures and lookin like they're seriously in need of some vitamins while the pot-growers are at the back of their garden sowing the "seeds" and counting their green bills? is that what we deserve? all these negative influences (minus the eminem raps :P) haha..
aight, back to chemistry... hmmm ammonium chloride is heated and it produces ammonia and hydrochloric acids.. and its REVERSIBLE!! The magic word.. hmmm.. cations and anions engulfing my brain, how bad can it be.. im SODIUM CARBONATE!! the invincible!! i aint decomposing no matter how hot u are!! heee!! (two days ago's "hee" my new slang) hahaha man, i cant stand myself!!!
okay gonna stop now and add on laters.. nice meeting u arym (hugs)

2003-11-05T02:33:00.000-08:00

thats all i gotta say peeps, go check out http://groups.msn.com/blackstripedpigs

2003-11-05T02:31:00.000-08:00

thats all i gotta say peeps, go check out http://groups.msn.com/blackstripedpigs

2003-11-03T06:02:00.000-08:00

sigh, i have like dont know how many more thousands of chinese characters to memorise and im still surfing the net and my exam is on this friday, fuck when can i then finally get down to serious studying? man, im already so stoned even without weed.
man, can i ACE it or can i not? man, seems that its gonna be a long nite for me, but nvm, the nite is still young and my messenger is so fucked up.
finally something to look forward to-- perth trip on 28th nov, hope it aint gonna disappoint me, so work hard at it aussies. hhaha :)
aight, gotta go off now, just another 10 more minutes and i gotta study!!!
shit, i have this terrible sore in my throat area, hope i aint gonna get down with a fever or else i cant study which means rather shitty yea.. sigh..
aight, i'll promise more poems or more raps.. haha only if kevin swisher will wanna buc me. oh add this dude to ur msn if u wanna, l_town_wut@hotmail.com... hes rather funny, and if ur a fanatic and going all crazy about Xbox, hes the one u wanna find.
aight, talkin bout friends and mates and stuff, im rather disappointed bout this topic, but hell, i'll prolly find better friends or mates as i get older, or prolly the problem lies with me, am i askin too much from this friendship thing? hell, watever. at least i aint thinkin negatively today cause of jean claude van damme haha if i spelt it correctly. just watched his "double team". man, it was totally awesome.
aight, im talkin too much again. till then, see ya blogger.

2003-11-01T22:27:00.000-08:00

gargalon@groups.msn.com
yep guys, check out this webby if u have the guts, cause its rather controversial, ideal for peeps who think they never belong to where they are right now.
im like supposedly the ASSISTANT manager there, haha, thanks to grant watson.
yep so go check out that webby, theres real nice goth graphics so yep.

2003-11-01T03:56:00.000-08:00

The hard constant beating
THUMP THUMP THUMP
Heartache
I look at myself in the mirror
Big Nose
Small slit eyes
Distinct lashes
rose lips
Tracking down my identity
Cracking on my weirdness
They say homo sapiens are separated by that 1% of DNA
Double helix
Triple the effect
What greeted me back
Was a gentle smirk
Then i started to love myself
Though i still dont fit in
Physically

2003-10-31T03:54:00.000-08:00

oh yep, its like friday today, 31st of oct, halloween's. happy halloween whoever might be reading this.. heh, i guess only the real witches from the other world who would even notice this blog. the others are prolly out trick or treating. well, being brought up in a conventional, traditional chinese family, i only discovered halloween when my age was of 2 digits, that is, from age 10 onwards, if u get me.

i guess i think my dad was being really sweet when he brought us out to some JB mall to see the tallest christmas tree in malaysia, i mean at least he made an effort right? haha, i guess thats like thinkin positively and adding to the fact that we chinese dont only celebrate chinese new year right.

well, im rather paranoid about wats gonna happen to me when im like 16 or 17.. am i gonna end up in some JC or rather going to the states to study law or whatsoever that will nurture me to be a federal agent, e.g FBI. haha, i've always felt that i dont really belong to where im at right now, but i aint saying that im like superior than everyone around here, cause i know im not, there're like so many einsteins in the making down here. its just the state of mind that im in and that im different from the others and finding it really hard to satisfy myself and prolly feeling real down cause i dont get what i really want from my peers.

its like in a friendship, there're real close ones, like the one i have with one particular friend. and it seems that the amount of effort i put into this friendship and the love i showed, it aint reciprocated by her. then i experience a moment of anguish and pain, just cause i feel that she aint being fair, and thats the time when i go thinkin that family is always imperative and they're always there, cause of our DNA and stuff, we're just bounded together, for the best or for the worst. even if i hate my younger bro to the core, cause hes really possessive sometimes, but i know that if he drowns, i will save him instead of the K RACERS guy i saw. haha aww, how sweet.

another perfect example is snowden, my other mate whom i got really close to. well, i think shes like the perfect image mate that everyone would desire. nice brown eyes with distinct eyelashes, and her curly light brown hair. on top of that exterior, shes always putting in much effort in making the friendship work. and what the fuck is wrong with me? am i only happy when the person dont reciprocate my love? haha i think that i did not mention that i love guys or friends that i can never get. or prolly that refers to guys only. there was this guy who kinda liked me, and i was like, huh, ok.. and i think i dumped him after sometime cause i found him too easy to get. haha, yep, im that cruel *grins* i like stuff that are hard to get. so what the fuck is wrong with me??!! do i really desire objects or people who are really mean to me? haha back to the snowden story, well, shes always nice to me and stuff, and we're real close at first, but when it comes to studies, i found her irritatin in the way she asks a question and how demanding she became when she wanted ppl to teach her a sum of two. sigh, how petty can i get? aight, so as usual, ying got sick and tired and irritated by this, prolly she though too much and prolly cause this mate is too easy to obtain and ying started ignoring this snowden chick. and apparently, this snowden chick cried for sometime cause she felt that ying was suddenly full of hatred for her and was rather appalled how this friendship being built up for months was just shatttered within a few days. and how evil and sinister can ying get?

well, that doesnt really apply to my family though, cause i think family is still the key factor to success and they're always essential in one's life. i aint talking bout the cash they can offer kids or how we kids can benefit from them in terms of materials, and i aint tryin to preach bout how important family is to us and blah blah blah, it just the hard reality, believe me, u wont be heard and no one would even notice u if u dont have the cash, brains or looks. yep, that was a huge impact but thats the fucking truth. well, some might just be happy living peacefully and keeping a low profile but others might wanna shine, so heres a piece of advice, never rely on friends too much, cause they might disappoint u, and the time spent loving ur friend or the effort put into making the friendship work, might just turn out to be a useless investment. well, how pessimistic yea? but im sure that they're mates whom u will meet later in life, and ur damn sure they'll be there for u for eternity or fret not yea? but FAMILY is still the key factor contributing to ur future and stuff like that.

well, for those who have boyfriends or girlfriends, let me tell u this, people do change and they would change to going for looks or going for brains cause people tend to think of themselves as more superior than the other and thus the tenacity in searching for the best never ceases. sigh, unless ur boyfriend or partner is liKE EMINEM, well, though hes like earning fame, he still wants kim, how loyal or devoted is he?

so take some time off and think about life for a lil while. so what do i want from my life? is it wealth, love or being of service to the country? do i wanna be selfish and self-centred or do i wanna win the NOBEL PRIZE of my own lil world? well, that really depends cause i aint even sure myself. what im sure is that i'll love my family and swearin this across my heart, i will never abandon them and if i was to be a terrorist bombing myself up at the statue of liberty, hell yea, i'll be more than glad to see my face on NEWSWEEK,kids. haha, and i'll be more than happy to have my parents faces to be on mount rushmore. lol..:) well thats it, peace blogger

2003-10-30T03:10:00.000-08:00

2003-10-30T03:09:00.000-08:00

tryin out stuff

2003-10-29T03:51:00.000-08:00

ahh!! had some workshop today called k-racers its bout economics and we played a few games today.. man, the guy is super hott, i gave him a 7.5 outta my scale of 10, haha my darling eminem is of course 9.99 on my scale of 10... sigh, sad to say but no guy has been perfect, and its kinda consoling to see that theres a guy who actually scored 7.5 in reality, cause all those who are like in their high 7's or 8's are all but hollywood asses. sigh...

haha im still tryin hard @ doing html and discovered that actually blogger has its own unique html and im experimenting with the whole thingy.. hope it works out fine this time round when im gettin a strong feeling that it aint gonna be.. watever...

haha had some personal grooming thingy today and i found myself getting vain! oh my gosh, praise the lord. haha, YINg's GETTING VAIN!!! haha, sheesh, was talkin to MC bout going for a facial and called my mum and told her that, and she was all like, well, sure why not? haha how phat can my mum be? and she kinda agreed to allow me to get a SONY discman cause i dropped the PHILLIPS one and kinda spoilt it, sigh, i should try to be gentler, but heck right.. haha, im really gonna earn big bucks when i grow up man.. haha love my parents to bits but they can too be annoying sometimes but hell, i think family is still the key to success, even if u have the best mates u can ever find on earth, they're still always working towards their self-interests, sadly, cause its like in this real fucked-up harsh world, everything's so materialistic and im begining to feel disgusted with myself when i too go OHHHH AHHHHHHH over the latest sennheiser headphones or rather the new SHORTY'S apparel haha, how sad...

cant wait to get home, gonna pack my stuff on saturday, sigh, my chinese is damn shit man.. its really go to the drains... sigh, i really hope im gonna ACE it, its like my mum and brothers are like so pro in chinese, am i gonna be the one to disappoint them? haha actually, its mostly my fault cause i dont really get the habit of reading chinese books and language aint smth that u can master in the snap of the fingga right? hell yea, sigh, watever..

oh, and i've been thinkin these few days again.. do i want brains or looks? it seems that in this realy fucked-up world, u gotta have either brains or looks in order to survive, how fucking pragmatic and sad is that? thats like real superifical and artificial.. sigh. haha but if i could choose, i would want myself to have like 75% brains and 25% looks, man, im getting fucking disgusted by myself, even i think that looks are impt... wat the fuck am i??!! haha peeps, u think for urselves man...

do smarter ppl or more gorgeous ppl get more advantage in life? well, sad to say, its like more than 90% true according the the Ying's statistics.. i mean like i myself will only be like inspired by cleverer, prettier, and more charming ppl. well, im rather more attracted to that. but that doesnt minus the fact that they should have better personalities.. its like fuck! haha the comp at the side is like having boobies computer game, fuck the boys in the hostel.. *okie sorry for the distraction* sigh, haha, yep and i think that personality is damn impt, so wat if ur clever and gorgeous, when u die, u dont die happy cause all the time ur like unhappy bout that freaking blackhead u have, or that freaking 99% u achieved when u could have gotten 100%.. see peeps, ppl are always not satisfied and their hunger for more can never be satisfied. even if thats the case, it aint really the con cause ppl get to strive for mroe and improve themselves this way right. yep so there are like pros and cons in this situation..

aight gtg, take care blogger. peace.

2003-10-28T03:07:00.000-08:00

yippeee, i just came back from basketball training.. feel kinda refreshed and found myself getting a sense of euphoria and dont ask me why, its just the stuff that we do that made me happy, prolly i opened up a lil more during training with my mates, well, they are like not only good at studies, (i mean superb, we have girls who are like top 20 in the sch in basketball), and i kinda feel like a minor. but what the fuck, i enjoyed the game today so i PROMISE I WONT GO through a state of depression today.. man, my period is pissing me off

sigh, im like trying out something here, like adding a background to my blog and prolly a guestbook and stuff like that, man, i feel like shit today, (dont u guys go not again..) haha we were having dinner @ the hostel's table, and then this fucking malaysian scholar started blabbin bout this other person whos not only smart but also gorgeous.. haha so am i like supposed to sit back and relax while she talked? i mean what the fuck is she tryin to imply? that im a dim-wit? fuck u man, i think u cant even read what is posted here, man, i do have a huge ego do i? sigh, prolly should get my a$$ down and study chinese

haha another thing, we had this career quest thingy in school and i was supposed to be a concluder, i have a high D, which is like determined, dominant, demanding, well basically always wanting to be a leader, and also kinda high I, that is like talkative, always wantin attention and im supposed to look up to benjamin franklin haha when i heard of his name only in the movie adam sandler was in, "big daddy". man, did i ever mention my fetish for guys with lil hair like adam sandler, and how charming they were? fuck F4, THEY'RE FUCKING GAY, sorry for all those girls screaming for them, they aint worth it

2003-10-27T01:08:00.000-08:00

bleah, got a template thingy from diaryland.com?but still doesnt know how to use it... sigh.. man, i better upgrade myself and try to fit in the 21st century hehe, i suck at computers, so till then, i'll just have to use whats on the web for me. im gonna learn how to do the HTML thingy from my uncle whos like rather a whiz at comps, but that is only when he replies my mails as he is currently busy at seattle..

sigh, im begining to dislike my life. and beginin to fantasize again. ahhh cant wait to learn drums, that'll prolly lighten me up a lil right? (convincing nods)

oh yep, before i forget, theres like wonderful ppl in my life, though my state of mind right now aint too good, getting depressed like real often i dont know why.. hehe prolly its undergoing MENTAL MATURITY some may call it, bleah, FUCKIN MENTAL MATURITY which makes teens depressed all the time? maybe i shld see a psychiatrist, oh no, i wanna be a psychiatrist, so i guess i just gotta face the mirror and talk to myself? wtf??

oh yea, heres like a lil poem i wrote on gothic teens of the world, its supposed to diss like this black sheep christian guy whos always critisizing other ppl's poems when his aint that good. sigh, i aint gothic mind ya, i dont go around in black make-up or black mascara, or even worse, black lipstick on a dude.

Ethereal scent of a mass of red liquid
Surreal, gushing through the thick arteries
Unreal, just so lackadaisical
Cereal-like, those flashes in my mind
Pictures of self-mutilation
Having cut off that copious piece of flesh
The tenacity is much sought after
Heparin absent
The result --
A massive clot of dried up redness
With specks of blueness present

haha okay so here it goes, my mates (it aint in order, just in random aight, so dont get jealous and fight for the place :)

1)Tina a.k.a Chemistry,A Math, E math, Biology expert... heh, sounds like the next female einstein
2)Michelle Chay a.k.a Amath,Emath and all the other math and sciences expert... man, whats gonna happen to me?? lol, im expert in being the clown? haha how comforting...
3)Candice Chew a.k.a Ying's wife.. well, our relationship aint what ur thinkin, i think we're just like bound together as mates, but since we separated from each other due to circumstances like different classes, we're not so close to each other anymore, how sad.. SEE WHAT EDUCATION DOES TO RELATIONSHIPS?? sigh...
4)Rachel huen a.k.a the one who always does a dolphin splash. haha let me explain what i mean by that, u see, we went to east coast chalet once, and it seems tat we never seem to get along well with the rollerblades, haha, and we especially rachel, kinda fell flat on her face *OUCH!* and with her legs high up in the air resembling a dolphin just taking a dip in the water. lol
5)Tsjeng Zhi Ying a.k.a. the literature freak. shes like damn damn good in literature and hell, am i like listing all those ppl who are good at certain subjects?? man, how superficail is that? haha well, there're not only good at certain stuff and they never seem to darken my life.. u go girls..
6)Matt a.k.a Hispanic guy. haha matt, u never seem to check ur mailbox.. try harder for ur GPA and im sure u'll do well. miss ya loads, have fun @ arizona
7)Nataza Snowden Chay a.k.a. dirty green braces... lol, no discrimination for braces k...i have one too.. just that she doesnt know how to choose colour for her braces does she?? haha she never seems to make me sad either..

aight, i have ppl i hate, and the hatred is so strong for a particular person and i just cant help but mention the name... here it goes warning: this aint in random and the first one is the one i hate most
1)DAXton a.k.a. dumbo jumbo super big pervert.. IMAN will never like u so stop wasting ur time u jerk! and stop saying that i look like IMAN, cause i just dont care!

aight thats all for today, kinda sad that im hopeless at html....

2003-10-26T06:23:00.000-08:00

*SIGH* Ying's begining to have fantasies again. in her own EMINEM wonderland. return to the NEVERland... met tis matt guy online, who's hispanic and rather phat, dont get me wrong, no other indications. read glenn and disturbedjuvenile@hotmail.com's blog and found out it was totally cool to have smth like that. mugging for O levels chinese and found out how sucky it went. here it goes,
what the hell does this word mean
one that is rather superficial
oh! i got it, TIS IS GETTING EASY!!
after 5 minutes
shit, DONT tell me what it means, i said DONT
...
...
followed by moments of silence. period.
FINE! i need to get down to serious studying...

gosh, guess what i found out when i went to the loo... yea, its just the time of the month, i mean how bad can it get? sheesh, when ur stomach hurts and sends u grabbing it the whole day, and u just cant shit it all out cause it aint just something that u ate wrongly, its just the freaking cramps! haha i wonder if matt ever checks his mails, hopefully he gets into a good uni, but considering his GPA score, i dont even know how he did... if ur reading this, u freaking hispanic, te amo. matt es mie joya.
sheesh, travis just signed in, he was kinda appalled when i didnt know wat a kazoo was, sheesh, i cant get enough of learning can i? okie, cant wait, gonna learn drums soon.. but first things first, my exams are gonna be on.. luckily its only one subject.

sheesh, FANTASIES AGAIN!!! when will this freaking end and put Ying back on track and telling her to face reality? U CAN DO IT! face reality! (man, when do i get to meet eminem?) sheesh!! u fartface, face reality!

aight, gettin late, gonna sign off here...